This has been a TOUGH afternoon/evening. One of those where bedtime feels a gazillion bajillion hours away.
It was such a beautiful day. And I just wanted to bake some banana bread and then enjoy the sunshine with my babies. But they were tired. And stressed.
And so I was stressed.
REAL TALK: I ugly screamed at Lenora.
She disobeyed me in a way that could have been very dangerous to all 3 of us. And it scared the life out of me. So my knee-jerk reaction was to yell at her out of my own fear and adrenaline.
I can just imagine how terrified and confused her little 3-yr-old heart felt when the momma she loves and trusts was raging at her.
I felt awful. I FEEL awful.
I quickly apologized and loved on her for a bit, just picturing how ugly and scary I must have seemed just moments before. At the same time, I kept thinking:
If she would just listen to me when I tell her not to do things!
That’ll preach, am I right?
Every week, I get a text asking me about the kids in an attempt to document their lives in “real time”. Ironically, the text just came through as I was writing this post. The text:
Did Lenora learn any lessons today?
My response?
Ugh. What a day. There’s no real "reason" or purpose for my posting this. I guess I felt the need to confess. And to be real about mom life. It’s not always happy smiles on sunshiny days. Sometimes it’s the same sunshiny day with lots and lots and lots of tears. It was such a beautiful day. And I just wanted to bake some banana bread and then enjoy the sunshine with my babies. But they were tired. And stressed.
And so I was stressed.
REAL TALK: I ugly screamed at Lenora.
She disobeyed me in a way that could have been very dangerous to all 3 of us. And it scared the life out of me. So my knee-jerk reaction was to yell at her out of my own fear and adrenaline.
I can just imagine how terrified and confused her little 3-yr-old heart felt when the momma she loves and trusts was raging at her.
I felt awful. I FEEL awful.
I quickly apologized and loved on her for a bit, just picturing how ugly and scary I must have seemed just moments before. At the same time, I kept thinking:
If she would just listen to me when I tell her not to do things!
That’ll preach, am I right?
Every week, I get a text asking me about the kids in an attempt to document their lives in “real time”. Ironically, the text just came through as I was writing this post. The text:
Did Lenora learn any lessons today?
My response?
Hah. More like, did I learn any lessons.
Lenora learned that mommy is imperfect and loses her mind and ugly screams sometimes.
But I hope she also learned that mommy wants to protect her and sometimes reacts with an ugly scream because she's scared for her. And I also hope she learned that mommy isn't too proud to apologize and ask for forgiveness from her. I hope she learned a little more about Jesus in all of it.
But I’m so grateful for her perfect, sweet little innocent heart that didn’t hesitate to forgive me when I asked. And she didn’t think twice about snuggling into me later, falling fast asleep well before bedtime.
Motherhood is hard, y’all. Whew.
No comments:
Post a Comment