Friday, August 16, 2019

Living Obedience & Shutting Down Fear

Lately we have been trying to teach Lenora the word and concept of "obedience."  She will be 4 next month, and she is understanding more and more about what it means to obey mommy and daddy, particularly as her independence grows and she realizes that she does not actually have to obey us if she chooses not to do so.  We encourage her to choose to obey because that's what Jesus wants us to do, and it makes him happy when we obey.

You may not know this about me but the Bible story of Jonah is my least favorite of all.  It's not something I keep a secret - Matthew is quite familiar with my "the pastor's sermon is on Jonah" grimace.  The story frustrates me.  Jonah does all the wrong things (until he simply has no other choice), but God still uses him.  Yet, in the end, after all Jonah has seen God do (3 days in the belly of a big fish and lives to tell the tale - hello!), he still pouts about his situation and the things God did. 

Jonah annoys me.  I want him to read his own story and stand in awe of God, not pout about it.  And throughout his whole story, it is plain to see that all he has to do is obey God to avoid all the heartache (see above about the big fish).

But obedience is tough.  So I have to cut Jonah some slack in that regard.  It's tough for my almost-4-year-old, and it's tough for me.

Isn't it funny how parenting can be the most frustrating and most rewarding thing at the same time?  I had to know that attempting to teach Lenora about obedience would open my eyes to see how God is asking for my own obedience.

I had a conversation with a friend the other night, and God used her and our conversation to reveal to me that I have been Jonah lately, avoiding being obedient in some situations in my life.  Interestingly (but not surprisingly), just the night before I was praying with some other friends and specifically asking God to show us (me) the sin in our lives so we may repent of it.  Of course, my prayers were directed toward one situation, and God answered that prayer for a different one.  Hah!  He's a funny one.

When I was pretty young (before my youngest sibling was even a thought), my mom made a point of teaching us Bible verses that as a family we would focus on memorizing for a week or so.  I can't say I remember all of them (sorry, mom!), but one that has never left my side is "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind" (2 Tim 1:7 NKJV).  I have always been so grateful for my mom's desire to instill those words in our hearts because I have called on that verse countless times when I have been afraid.  Situations like going into interviews, driving down dark creepy roads, or when my mind wanders into crazy places late at night when I am home alone with the kids trying to determine what the best course of action would be if the house caught on fire (because #momlife).

For the last few months, God has been putting that verse at the front of my mind for different reasons, though.  Reasons like being afraid to speak truth in love when it needs to be spoken.  I am not a liar, but I tend to keep my opinions and beliefs to myself in situations where I feel like it might not be received well (sometimes that's the wise choice, sometimes not).  And God has been calling me out on it.  He's been asking me to obediently speak truth in love in several specific relationships in my life, and I have been avoiding it because I am afraid.  I have been afraid of unintentionally hurting feelings or inciting anger, and I have let those excuses be the reigning force instead of calling on the power and love and sound mind he's given me.

Since I asked God to show me my sin, which he answered through simple truths spoken by my friend, I am now grappling with how to be obedient and step out of fear to do so.  I want to obey because I love Jesus, and I know, just like with Jonah's story and just like we are trying to teach Lenora, he has called me to obedience.  I need to get out of God's way and let him use me, especially because I want to be an example for my babies to follow.

I think, for me, it starts with gratitude for some of the things God has given me.  Thank you, Jesus, for giving me power and love and a sound mind to call upon when I struggle with obedience.  Thank you for showing me sins that need to be confessed.  And thank you for using my mom to teach me about who you are all those years ago as I now try to teach my own children those same things.

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